Growing up with Christian parents, I was aware of my need for salvation from a young age. I worried about going to hell, and would habitually pray for God to save me, but otherwise wanted as little to do with Him as possible. I had no real desire for God, I just wanted to be able to live my life without the fear of hell always hanging over me. I spent years praying and trying to somehow summon up the faith to believe in Him. The whole time I was entirely focused on myself. I arrogantly felt that if I just tried harder and really meant it when I prayed, that God would finally give in and save me.
In time, the Lord showed me that my attempts were useless. That no matter how hard I tried or how much effort I put into it, I was completely incapable of bringing about my own salvation. He opened my eyes to reality. He made me see that He is real, that He created everything that exists, and that I am so incredibly weak and small before Him. That not only am I a sinner in need of forgiveness, but that I have it through Christ who died for me. He knows my every sin and took the punishment for all of them.
God is infinitely powerful, all-knowing, and perfectly holy. He spoke all of creation into existence. He created galaxies with a word. He does not need me. That He would send His Son to die for me is so indescribably amazing. Words fall short.
There’s nothing I can ever do to be worthy of God’s love and kindness towards me, but I want to live a life that glorifies Him.
As an undeserving recipient of God’s grace, I want to be baptised in obedience to Him to symbolise washing away of sin and death, burial, and resurrection in Christ.